My blog has been quiet over the last couple of weeks and my mind has been dancing a roller coaster. Time continues to pass and I have felt myself moving away from my mission. This is by no means extraordinary for anyone; it is very much a part of life. Life flows in ups and downs, through peaks and troughs, through moments of inspiration and moments of doubt, through success and challenge, ease and difficulty. Today I accept where I am at and then I allow myself to see its purpose in my life.
I have created a blog as a place for expression and exploration, knowing somehow that by writing what is in my heart I will find clarity and a way forward. I noticed a couple of weeks ago how I began wondering ‘what for,’ ‘who will find me’ and ‘will all this ever be anything other than words?’ While I do ask these questions often they began to consume me. I love my blog, however there is a part of me that wonders whether it is just a ting speck of space in the clouds that will forever remain just that. I realise now how my mind started to mess with my mission, my doubt creeping in to cloud my heart and soon a couple of days of thinking of ‘who’ and ‘how’ and ‘why’ and ‘what,’ soon halted my progression towards creating what I would love.
I understand now, how unconscious this process is and I do marvel at the power of our Egoic mind to stall us on our path. The truth is, I experience daily mind chatter as to the purpose, validity and future of my writing and my searching for its place in my life and the lives of my readers.
So I take a deep breath, listen for my truth and say, ‘okay!’ as it spurs me onwards into a future that I do not know. I realise now that this is my own growth in resilience and perseverance, in continuing on in the face of all my doubt.
I hope to one day have experienced this process enough that I can pass it on to my children. To show them that it indeed pays off, not necessarily by potential success but by the sheer fact that it ignites my soul and gives my life purpose, regardless of the outcome.