This may sound silly but I have always tried to look at myself in the mirror and say that I am beautiful. While I have done it, I have never felt it and usually roll my eyes or dissolve in laughter.
It is different with my daughter. I place her in front of the mirror and say, “Look at how beautiful you are, don’t look away, just see how beautiful you are!” Although she smiles shyly at first, she does really look and I can see that in her eyes she sees beauty. That is as it should be.
I had a moment this morning when I got dressed for the day and looked in the mirror. I looked straight on, side ways and spun to the back and I spontaneously smiled. I left the bathroom and as I was making a cup of coffee it hit me that I have never done that before. Yes, I have faked it but never have I looked at myself and felt enough self-love that I genuinely smiled. It was one of the most incredible feelings that I have ever had.
I asked myself the obvious questions; “Why now?” and “What has changed?”
In the last couple of months I have lost some weight, which in itself, feels amazing. I am not, however, any super model and I am not even close to the role models we have in magazines. I still carry the memories of growing and birthing 3 adorable children and I guess I carry the secrets of time passing and a life lived. I am happy with what I look like but I realised it was not this that conjured up a smile.
I felt something else. I felt a love for where I am at in my life and to what I am doing everyday to express myself. The inner workings of my mind are dramatic, seemingly idealistic and romantic, and sometimes just down right crazy. However, I feel that I am finally stepping over the bridge of my fear. My fear of being criticized and my fear of failing at bringing my deepest desires into the reality of my life. There are three things that have come about;
- I am no longer scared of being criticized or of failing. I would rather live a life that is mine, and fail a few times or offend a few people, than to live someone else’s story. I have truly acknowledged that I am the Master of my life.
- I am consciously doing what I LOVE and I am learning everyday to trust myself.
- I am having a lot of fun. Living life is like creating a masterpiece on canvas; it is messy, colourful and really there are no rules apart from the ones I set for myself.
If you cannot look at yourself in the mirror and smile then ask yourself these three questions,
- Who is the Master Author of MY life? Is it me or is it someone or something else?
- Am I truly doing what I LOVE? Cast the musings of money, responsibility, roles, expectations and limitations aside for a moment, and seek out the truth.
- Am I having fun creating MY life?
Whatever your answer, Just breathe.
It is difficult to move forward if you don’t know where you are, so be honest and withhold any judgement. You now have your starting point… a blank canvas!
It’s time to celebrate!